The writer’s life outside of writing…

….is chatoic.

Dear Readers, while you watch this video, pretend the Squire is me.

Today, this was how I felt–fury a la Squire Western [He’s from Tom Jones, a wonderful book btw] 

Everything was going wrong, starting from the moment I woke up [I was dead tired from the night before, rushing through my fifth essay this week to submit before midnight, then catching up on my readings] to when I got dressed [I didn’t know what to wear so took half an hour rummaging through my wardrobe] to when I headed downtown for class [the bus came late and was jam packed, then the subway was delayed for more than ten minutes] to when I rushed to the library to print out my essay [all the computers were being used on the first floor, so I had to run around the library looking for any computer use], to when I printed that essay out [the essay formatting was all messed up], to when I ran to lecture [I was half an hour late], to when I tried to hand my essay in after class [the prof said I had to hand it in to my T.A. who wasn’t to be seen], to when I tried looking for her [I peeked into each tutorial room but couldn’t find her], and then finally, to when I decided to read over my essay one more time [my essay was the non pareil of an epic fail].

So, at the end of this all, I sat down in the park for half an hour before my next class, completely exhausted, frustrated, and angry. But then, after glaring down at my lap for a minute, I looked up and observed the nature around me. Dry yellow, brown, red leaves blanketed the grass. Leaves, caught by the wind, drifted off their branches and danced around me. The air was crisp. The sun warmed the cold earth. I remembered a passage from my writing, inspired from reading The Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci:

Her mind, as a painter once put it, became a mirror, taking the colour and images of the objects it reflected. There was no longer any room for self-pity in the grandeur around her.

After taking some time to breathe and reflect, I reminded myself that university is not the be all end all and that the reason why I’m in university is to learn, to fill my head with knowledge, so that it might add more depth to my novel-writing. And I am learning. So, whatever the outcome, as long as I do my best, I’ve accomplished the purpose of why I’m where I am.

But truly, there are some days when you wake up, and you just know it’ll all spiral down from there. That’s why I think it’s so important to take a moment and reflect–because upon reflection, I realize that the hardship of my day is contained all within my head. And, in the end, the gratefulness and joy for just being alive outweigh the troubles of the present.

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13 Comments

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13 responses to “The writer’s life outside of writing…

  1. I could completely feel the breathless chaos from your first paragraph, June! I love how you calmed yourself and came out of it all, though. Therein lies the key to success and fulfillment, I believe!!

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  2. Kim

    I dislike days like that. For me, it’s an ongoing thing. I can’t find a job for next year, despite my education. Everything is saturated. I have to surface some time.

    Blergh.

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    • Ongoing days of craziness can be so stressful. I find that the best way to deal with it is to try to see the glass half full rather than empty. You can’t find a job for next year? Maybe you could try to see it in a positive way. Like…travelling for that year, because once you get a job, you’re forever settle in!

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  3. Wonderful post–the hardship is contained–what a perfect way of putting it. I feel like I forget this sometimes; this week is especially chaotic and there is so much I want to enjoy right now and cannot because I’m letting the lists and demands get in the way. Must learn to put aside what demands my attention and reflect on what deserves my attention–like those russet leaves and crisp winds.

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  4. But do you know what’s brilliant? You turned it around and noticed the beauty surrounding you. That is no easy feat. Well done. 🙂

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  5. :/ at least you were able to find something beautiful in the end. This whole semester has been as hectic as your week for me. So much so, that rather than have a mental breakdown or the anxiety attack I felt coming on, towards the end of September I skipped 2 classes. It was only about 3weeks into the semester for me, but it would be pointless to go to obtain an education that I wouldn’t have a sound mind to appreciate after gradation.

    Don’t stress to much. Know your limit and relax once in a while!!!

    *slinks back into HW cave*

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    • Oh gosh….you must have been put under a lot of dress to skip those 2 classes. It’s great that you know when you need a break. I don’t beleive in pushing yourself to the point of breaking down…

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  6. Very wise. I believe I’m on the verge of cracking this code. How to tackle the “bad writing day” and ensure you always have the “best writing day ever.” The idea of a post is in my head at the moment, and I’m workshopping it on myself before I discuss. But basically, it is along the lines of what you mention here, a simple paradigm shift. A different way of looking at things. Anyways, I’m glad you were able to find the wisdom to take a time out and be present, that was certainly something I did not know how to do in college, so you are way ahead of the game! 🙂

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    • Oh, can’t wait to read this article of yours! (and I sincerely apologize for not being able to check out your blog more often. This entry of mine stands testament to how chaotic life is for me right now).

      Thanks for dropping by and leaving such encouraging words! I think writing has disciplined me to see the beauty of life even in the most challenging of moments 😀 I’m sure you know what I mean too!

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